A Polite Letter To The Tholes

Dunwik
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Posts: 234

A Polite Letter To The Tholes Oct 15, 2022 12:03:50 GMT

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Post by Dunwik on Oct 15, 2022 12:03:50 GMT

To all the people of the Kingdom of West Thosel Cransconia:

It has come to my attention that a mercenary force of yours attached to your church by name of The Army Of Rescue has made incursions into the territory known as Leng, which lies immediately to the north of my nation. The stated goal of this organization has been to spread the state philosophy of Christianity to these backward savages.

I implore you to consider the consequences of this action carefully.

We Dunwikki have more experience with the people of Leng than any other. They are a deceitful and subversive race. Treachery and cannibalism are in their blood. The men kill their wives and sons and devour them upon their altars. The women poison their husbands and throw their bodies into the sea to appease their dark gods. The children turn groups against each other, seeking to revive their ancient, dead god and bring about the end of the world. They pray for death upon all men, by means of a great flood to drown all but their mountains.

These are not a merciful or just race. These are a race who hurl themselves to their deaths rather than face justice. These are a kind who, for centuries, have terrorized my people, burned our crops, bombed our factories, raped our women, and eaten our children. Every evil you can conceive of is canonized there and all evils you accuse Dunwik of are magnified a thousandfold there.

If you wish to bring Christianity to Leng, beware that Leng will bring their gods into Christianity, and defile your prophet with their rites. Your rite of bread and wine shall be replaced with the devouring of men, and instead of praising saints - your kind will praise evil, twisted spirits from beyond the stars.

I am willing to overlook the grievous violation of my nation's boundaries by your incursion into our sphere of influence because I believe in brotherhood among all men. But the Lengans are not men; the Lengans are something else and something worse. Do not, I implore you, press this matter further.

Leave the Lengans, and leave the territories so known as Leng, for the sake of your own souls.

-The Grand Chairman of All Dunwik, Anthony "Big Tony" Platt.

[The letter would be sent to official channels to the WTC, and read before the next Hansa meeting by Platt himself.]

Wilhelm Cransnikov
Monarchist

Posts: 234

A Polite Letter To The Tholes Oct 15, 2022 21:05:01 GMT

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Post by Wilhelm Cransnikov on Oct 15, 2022 21:05:01 GMT

To: Grand Chairman Anthony Platt

From: Wilhelm Cransnikov High-King of all the Southern Germans

Mr. Platt,

The individuals you speak of are acting of their own volition. The contributions they are receiving are from private donations. As a Dunwikki are you advocating that I prevent private individuals from traveling, spending their money, and associating as they wish?

Furthermore, you name a thousand evils supposedly done by the Legan; however, are you aware of the fact your claims have no credibility? I am guided by my own eyes and life experience and from that all I can see is you accusing a nation, who has taken to Tholes with open arms, of doing what is the equivalent of a Sunday afternoon in your nation.

And regarding violations of spheres of influence and national boundaries? Your words fall flat when one considers the actions of your people. Have the Tholes in Leng conspired with Leng breach your nation's border? Have the Tholes in Leng kidnapped your people? Have they cut them open to aid in crack-fueled experiments? I believe there is a Dunwikki expression that goes: "if one fucks around, they will find out" I believe this is applicable as these men are merely following a precedent your nation set.

Justly,
Wilhelm Cransnikov

Dunwik
Member

Posts: 234

A Polite Letter To The Tholes Oct 16, 2022 0:19:35 GMT

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Post by Dunwik on Oct 16, 2022 0:19:35 GMT

There are numerous false equivalencies and errors you have made. To whit:
1: Firstly, I had no involvement in the actions of Oscar Bayer, and my denunciation of Bayer and the involvement in your territories was something that got me elected to my position. Additionally, he was a mercenary hired during a WAR to conduct WARLIKE actions. You are not profiteering off of a war, you are PROVOKING one. If, for whatever reason, Dunwik is at WAR and you sell mercenaries at FAIR PRICES to someone, we will see that as merely business.

2: The Sadaler had come to me during your war and requested aid. We, breaching our previous WRITTEN contract, had REFUSED because my contract to peace and brotherhood holds precedent. I hope you understand that I had just set a monumental precedent: never before in all Dunwikki history had a Grand Chairman refused to honor a written contract, and once my tenure is up, I doubt this will ever happen again.

2: If you fuck around, you will find the fuck out, and this holds tenfold true with the Lengans. You have never seen them, you have never understood them. You have not lived near them, fearing abduction, murder, or all sorts of horrific death by their hand every day of your life. To you, they may as well be on the Moon. My Minister of Science, a brilliant man, has compiled - out of curiosity of ethnography - a table consisting of the most likely causes of death across a few nations. This masterwork took him ten years to make. Do you know the most common way to die in Leng?

It is to be tied to a marble slab and to have your throat slit before your still-living body is devoured by a group of chanting men in black robes.
The second most common cause of death in Leng is being hurled from a precipice by the aforementioned chanting men.
The third most common cause of death in Leng is death by accident or illness before they can conduct either of the aforementioned rites. In these cases, the corpse is still put through that treatment.

I must confess a limited understanding of Christianity and Christ, and many in Dunwik sneer at religions, believing you all to be puppets of a greater Lengan scheme. I simply do not know if that is the case. What I CAN tell you is that if you want Jesus to return, you will cease allowing his memory to be defiled by the Lengans. They will convert your faith - as any faith - into THEIR faith, and unless you wish to see yourself one day marching in chains off a cliff, I hope you heed my warnings and CEASE CONTACT WITH THEM. They are OUR problem to deal with, and the Dunwikki are a harsh people to DEAL WITH THE LENGANS. Do not spread the rot any further - lest you become worse than Dunwikki, lest you become slaves to Leng.

If you play a stupid game, you win a stupid prize. I wish to busy myself with the pursuit of fine art - not beg a man to save himself from a den of raving cannibals. Cease engaging in mercenary actions while we are not at war, we Dunwikki wish more than anything else to prosper as thinkers and creators now.

You are, to use another Dunwikki aphorism, 'dancing on a (knife/sword, the word does not particularly translate well). This is to say, if you slip, you are going to end up severely wounded.

The Lengans are using you and the goodwill of your people to convert you and your armies into their club. In time, they will become your masters, by exploiting your love for Jesus, all the while defiling him. They will make great show of 'piety' but it will be a hollow farce to trick you into action.

I hope I am clear. I want all MEN in the world to live in harmony. The Lengans are an inferior, subversive and subhuman race, bred of outlaws and cave-dwellers to form a disgusting and disreputable creature, that will beg for mercy and tolerance while weak, and give none while strong.

Again, I am willing to overlook your naked slander, and provocative words and deeds. Let there be PEACE in our time.

-The Grand Chairman of All Dunwik, Anthony "Fat Tony" Platt.

Victrix

A Polite Letter To The Tholes

Post by Dunwik on Oct 15, 2022 12:03:50 GMT

Post by Wilhelm Cransnikov on Oct 15, 2022 21:05:01 GMT

Post by Dunwik on Oct 16, 2022 0:19:35 GMT

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